My Wonderful Moment.
We all have moments in our lives that can be considered “defining moments”– times when a certain thing happened that changed our life trajectory. Taking time to reflect and focus on these moments can improve your life.
Consider this first date I had 34 years ago. After a stagnant and uncomfortable dinner, we walked out of the Waldrof restaurant together. I had many thoughts swirling around as I held the door for my date: “This is it. I’ll never go out with this beautiful woman again,” and I ruminated, “All my efforts to find the courage to ask her out in the first place are down the drain. I guess I blew it.”
But, among the negativity, I had another thought floating around in my mind. It was a small but persistent thought: “Give it one more try.” I listened to that thought. And so, as we walked to the car, I kicked a stone into the bushes and with my chin at my chest, I mumbled, “Um, do you want to go get some coffee or something?” She replied, “Sure!” I was flabbergasted. The evening and coffee shifted into high gear and a wonderful connection ensued. That woman later became my wife.
That moment – my kicking the stone and deciding, “Don’t give up just yet. Give it one more try. Just one more” – was a defining moment for me. One of the character strengths at play was perseverance (a mid-level strength for me, but one I can bring forth powerfully when I need to), and another strength was hope (one of my signature strengths which drives most of what I do in life). Both of these strengths played a life-changing role for me.
This defining moment impacted my identity – who I am. I learned that when something is really important to me I give things that extra push and effort. And I have my hope strength always looking for possibilities and opportunities in my life, even if it is only one thought among a cloud of detractors.
As I examine the situation, I see that there are meta-strengths, often called “virtues,” also at play. Courage is a virtue that helps us to step up during these moments. I had to overcome the thoughts of “I can’t,” “but I might fail,” and “what’s the point?” At the least, I had to act courageously, even if I didn’t feel so brave in that moment.