The Humour Team

Humour or humor is the tendency of experiences to provoke laughter and provide amusement. The term derives from the humoral medicine of the ancient Greeks, which taught that the balance of fluids in the human body, known as humours, controlled human health and emotion.

Laughter

Dad: “No child of mine is going out in a skirt that is so short.”

Child: “Dad, I’m sixteen. I’ll wear what I want!”

Dad: “Yeah, but Son, your nuts are showing!”

Dad: “Son, I found a condom in your room.”

Son: “Gee, thanks, grandpa!”

Dad: “Why are you calling me grandpa?”

Son: “Because I couldn’t find it yesterday.”

Laughter

Fisherman: What are you fishing for son?

Son: I’m not fishing, I’m drowning worms.

Have you noticed that Daddy is getting taller?

No, why?

His head is sticking through his hair.

The concept of marriage

The child was a typical four-year-old girl -- cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny.
When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage,
her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

Engagement Ring

The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa Singh
Santa Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?
Sure replied Santa What's your phone number?

What happens after engagement and marriage.

AFTER ENGAGEMENT

HE: I waited so long for this.

SHE: Do you want me to leave?

HE: No, never.

SHE: Do you love me?

HE: Yes i did, i'm doing & i'll do.

SHE: Did you ever cheat me?

HE: I'd rather die than do it.

SHE: Will u kiss me?

HE: Surely, that's my pleasure.

SHE: Will u hurt me?

HE: no way i m not such a kind of person.

SHE: Can I trust u?

HE: Yes

SHE: Oh Darling!

To know

AFTER WEDDING

>>READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP<<

Eternal marriage

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven.
St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him.
St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all.
"What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?"
St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out?
Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground !
"What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.
"Come on!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here!
Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer!?"

Daughter announces her engagement

A few moments after the daughter announces her engagement.
Her Father asked, "Does this fellow have any money ?"
The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike.
Sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you."

An organization that makes men fear marriage

The British had an organization that Americans are now considering adopting.
It seems that in England, they had a men's club, Bachelors' Anonymous. It was highly successful in making men fear or even hate marriage.
The club provided a unique way to treat the problem of bachelors wanting to marry. They send over a mother-in-law in nightgown, hair curlers, and a mud pack.

Who are MEN?

Woh jo Narak mein bhi apne Dost se mile, toh kahe.. *

"Abe !! Yamraj ki wife dekhi ?? Aag hai Aag

Who are Women ??

Woh jo swarg mein bhi apni saheli se mile, toh kahe..

"Apsara dekhi... No dressing sense at all".

The Prescription

“I plan to poison my husband”, she tells him. “I’m sorry, but there’s absolutely no way I can give you cyanide for that” the pharmacist says angrily.

The woman reaches into her purse and takes out a hidden camera photo of her own husband sleeping with the pharmacists wife.

“Sorry, I didn't realize you had a prescription.”

The wrong call

A man was away on a business trip and decided to call his wife to let her know he had arrived safely.

A little girl picks up the phone.

"Hello"?

"Hi, honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" Daddy asks.

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But, honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh, yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Dad takes a second to process this, then speaks. "Uh, OK, then this is what i want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

A few minutes later the girl comes back to the phone. "I did it, Daddy!"

"And what happened, honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"oh my God! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But i guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

A long, silent pause.

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? ... Is this 486-5731?"

Smart Indian reply

An Indian was travelling on a train in Pakistan, along with his pregnant

wife. A few Pak army officers were also travelling in the same compartment.

As everybody knows, the Pakis think they are a little too smart and also

try to show their superiority in all aspects, they tried to act a little smart

and embarrass the Indians. They thought at the same time, it would be a good

way to pass time too. So, one of them went and sat beside the man.

The Smart officer asked the man, "Are you an Indian?????".

"Yes", the man replied proudly.

The officer then said, "Is your wife pregnant???? "

"Yes", replied the man. He was a bit annoyed by the question as it was

obviously visible that his wife was pregnant and the officer still asked

that question. But he kept quiet. Now, the officer thought it was time to

have some fun.

He asked the Indian, "If it is a boy, what would u like him to be?????"

"I'd make him a Software Engineer", the man said proudly.

"What if it is a girl ????" asked the officer.

"I'd make her a doctor", the man replied.

Now, the officer gave the man a naughty grin and said, "What if it is

neither a boy nor a girl?"

The smart Indian realized the whole point of this officer speaking to him.

He realized that these officers were trying to embarrass him so he decided

to give it back to them. He thought for a second, returned the same naughty

smile back to the officer and said, "In that case, he will join the Pakistan

army......."

An organization that makes men fear marriage

The British had an organization that Americans are now considering adopting.

It seems that in England, they had a men's club, Bachelors' Anonymous. It was highly successful in making men fear or even hate marriage.

The club provided a unique way to treat the problem of bachelors wanting to marry. They send over a mother-in-law in nightgown, hair curlers, and a mud pack.

Just like that

Boss: Do login an hour early tomorrow, I want you to run me through the report you sent

She: Boss I am taking an off tomorrow

Boss: Why?

She: Just like that

Boss: Just like what?

She: Just like you want me to run you through a self-explanatory report that I mailed you 3 days back at 11 pm at night coz apparently, it was ‘URGENT’, and now you need me to work an hour extra tomorrow just to cover up for your laziness and inefficiency… JUST LIKE THAT

Boss: " "

She: " "

Boss: You are on mute

She: UNMUTES Oh sorry, I was saying my grandmom is unwell. She fell ill suddenly.. just like that

Compliment or not

My Maid came to my bathroom door.

Just as I came out of an evening shower.

My towel slipped a bit. But, I managed to hide my modesty just in time or so I thought.

Maid with a Smile:

Kyaa Banana hai Saab

I am still wondering if it was a Compliment

A cooking request!

Room 302

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital and she timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator responded, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the patient's name and room number?"

The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone. "Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal. And her physician, Dr Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything."

In reply to all Sardar Jokes

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital and she timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator responded, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the patient's name and room number?"

The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything."

What is old age?

Best answer:

When you start turning off lights for economic reasons rather than romantic reasons

And

When you start cursing the romantic restaurant lights because you can't read the menu

Ordering a Pizza in 2022

CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?

GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER: I must have dialled the wrong number, sorry.

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times

you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three

pieces of cheese, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and

meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have.

GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta,

arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat

gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER: How the hell do you know that?

GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with

your medical records. We have the result of your blood

tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I

already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE: Excuse me, sir, but you have not taken your medication

regularly. According to our database, you purchased only

a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4

months ago.

CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER: I paid in cash.

GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your

bank statement.

CALLER: I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you

bought them using an undeclared income source, which is

against the law!

CALLER: WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE: I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole

intention of helping you.

CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook,

Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an

island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone

service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first.

It expired 6 weeks ago...

Welcome to the future

Sarita is a very good teacher in the school.

She was teaching history to students .....

Sarita: - Tell me where is the Taj Mahal...

Students: Agra ...

Sarita: Wrong ... It's in Delhi...

The students all got into thinking .. and were confused

The students told this thing to their parents.

The very next day, all the parents reached the school and started complaining to

Sarita teacher: that why are you teaching the children wrong ..

Sarita to all the parents: First of all, you should deposit the fees of the last six months, Until the fees are deposited ;

Taj Mahal will remain in Delhi

The Hole

Mr Dickson had a habit of asking daft questions to his pupils, just to annoy them...
One day, he asked his 4th graders if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.
Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers.
Kids came back the next day. No one knew the answer!
"Look," said Mr Dickson, quite enjoying himself while holding his index finger touching his thumb, forming a neat little 'zero'.
"This is one hole, my nose has 2 holes, and I can make this zero encircle my nose and make my nose holes appear inside this other hole."
"Ahh, right," said the children, not amused.
The next day, little Johnny stood up and said, "Mr Dickson, my dad wants to know if you know how to put 7 holes inside one hole?"
"Hmm," Mr Dickinson said, "Well, I'll be darned. I don't know how to do that. Um, did your father tell you how to?"
"Yes," said Little Johnny, He asked me to tell you to Take a flute and shove it up your ass!

A different Love letter and a beautiful reply

A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.

Love Letter

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his

classmate.

My Dearest Kirti, Please answer the following questionnaire.

For Options (a) 10 marks, (b) 5marks and (c) 3 marks.

1) Whenever you enter the classroom, your sight always falls on me

because: (a) of love (b) you couldn't control seeing me (c) really ... am I doing it?

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me

because: (a) you always like to see me smiling (b) you are testing whether I like jokes (c) you are attracted by my smile

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you

stopped singing because: (a) you are so coy to sing before me (b) my presence influenced you (c) you feared that whether I'll like your song

4) When you were showing your child photo, when I asked for it, you

hide it because: (a) you felt ashamed (b) you felt uneasy (c) you don't know

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you

and you took only my friend's because: (a) you enjoyed my disappointment (b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing (c) you don't know

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus... (a) you were waiting for me (b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus (c) that bus was crowded

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because: (a) I am going to be your groom (b) you just want to know what your parents think about me (c) just you felt like introducing me to them

8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a

rose on your head because: (a) to fulfill my wish (b) you like roses (c) by chance you got a rose

9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at

6:00 AM because: (a) you want to pray along with me (b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday (c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in

expressing it.

If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and

it's getting ready to bloom.

If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.

Eagerly awaiting your reply..

love,

Aakash

Keerti's reply letter was also in Q/A format........ Aakash,

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the

class, sees them. (a) Yes (b) No

2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love? (a) Yes (b) No

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she

stop singing or not? (a) Yes (b) No

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.

You poked your nose inside..... Right (a) Yes (b) No

5) I avoided holding your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand

yet? (a) Yes (b) No

6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand? (a) Yes (b) No

7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend? (a) Yes (b) No

8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is

it true ? (a) Yes (b) No

9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I

come daily to Temple. Do you know? (a) Yes (b) No

If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I do not love

you.

If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.

Hope everything is clear to you.

Preethi